The Birth Debate

I'm almost done addressing our baby boy's birth announcements. They have been sitting in our house for the past month, but I just haven't gotten around to it. I figure 7 weeks is a good amount of time to get them done. It doesn't matter that he is almost 4 pounds bigger and looks a lot different, right? 

Naturally, as I look at the announcement over and over again as I'm sticking each one into an envelope, my mind wanders back to that day. As I think of everything that happened that day, it makes me think of the great birth debate.

Birth debate? What's to debate? Well, if you read any mommy blogs, belong to any mommy groups, peruse pregnancy message boards, have any friends who are expecting on facebook, or listen to any celebrities who are often quite opinionated...apparently, there is alot to debate.

When I was pregnant with my first child, one of my good friends and I were chatting over a cup of tea. She was pregnant with her first child as well and we ended up on the topic of childbirth. Many of our mutual friends at church had recently delivered and had chosen to have their little ones naturally. As such, there was almost this expectation or pressure to do the same. I hesitated a bit to share what I was thinking (I thought for sure she would go sans the epidural) but I was so relieved to find out that someone else planned to have the epidural when delivering. The expectation or the pressure was off a bit.

You might wonder what I mean by pressure to deliver naturally. I don't think it is an overt pressure (at least not by most people minus those pesky celebrities who think they know it all or a few vocal message board posters). But yet there is a bit of pressure. Moms who opt for natural birth are often vocal about how it is a wonderful experience, how it makes you so in tune with your body and how it is the way to go and they wouldn't change a thing. It seems to be that there is a sense of pride that they could birth their baby without drugs- almost an elite club of sorts. And absolutely, more power to them...

But here's the deal. Sometimes, it make moms who chose otherwise to feel that they are lesser because they chose differently. When I think of it, I almost convince myself that I took the easy way out by choosing to get an epidural. Even by using the term natural birth, it implies that they way I birthed my babies was unnatural and that definitely has a negative connotation and can almost imply that I am less of a woman for choosing to do so. Our bodies were created to do this and woman have been doing it all since creation, so what's the big deal?

Looking back at both my deliveries, just because I choose an epidural, it doesn't mean it was easy. Trust me, it wasn't easy. I still labored and was definitely in the midst of active labor, when I chose to get one. And I still had to work hard to get these little ones into the world- and the feelings of joy, relief, victory was still present. And even though I had an epidural, I can still say that I'm proud that I made it through labor and delivery. While I don't quite feel the whole process is beautiful like many woman assert, I think those feelings are unrelated to how I chose to go about it and I don't feel like I am less of a woman or less of a mother because of it. When they told me that it was best for my son to have skin to skin contact with me even when he was covered in all sorts of yucky stuff, I welcomed him in my arms for an hour without asking the nurse to clean him up first even though I was deliberately pushing those thoughts out of my mind. That's for sure is an indication of a mother's love & devotion (not to mention all feeding, dirty diapers, laundry, rocking, soothing, interaction and those pesky hours up at night). And once he was placed in my arms, all that mattered was he was here and how wonderful it felt to hold my baby. I did it! Even if I had to have a planned c-section (which I can imagine would be scary and intimidating and quite painful in itself), I would have still have felt that sense of accomplishment- I carried and nurtured a little one for 9 months and he was safely brought into this world- that's definitely a reason to feel proud...and grateful!

Of course,  in the times since then as I read people's comments on childbirth, those troublesome thoughts still pop up every now and then. Did I take the easy way out?  Was my experience lesser as such? I don't really view it as that most days, but everyone likes affirmation now and then. After each of my deliveries my husband has told me that I did really well. This last time he mentioned something about being a trooper and beautiful and resilient through it all. He even posted it on facebook...I was affirmed that in his eyes, I didn't take the easy road by opting for the epidural. And he was there and witnessed it all!

I guess my point is no matter what you chose for yourself, we are all strong, beautiful mommies who have carried and nurtured our child for 9 months and will care for him or her needs for the next 18 years and love him or her for the rest of our lives- whether you choose to bring them into the world in what is termed naturally or not. Let's support each other as we journey through mommyhood- whether you choose natural birth or an epidural, whether you breast feed or bottle feed, whether you homeschool or send your kid to public school. Raising kids is difficult enough on its own without feeling all this pressure to measure up.

What do you think? How did your birth story go? Would you change anything if you could? Do you ever feel how I do? How can we support each other judgement?

Skin to skin contact...snuggling my sweet baby boy after he was born

I would love to hear from you. Until next time...

My Journey

I always loved being around kids. I was the one usually recruited to help with children's church and VBS at church. On days off from school, I would often go and spend the day with my mom who taught preschool. It was the highlight of my days off! So when it came to choosing a career, teaching seemed like a natural progression.

I taught fourth grade in a small school district for three years, followed by a three year stint as a reading specialist at the same school. While there were definitely challenges to teaching (mainly from outside mandates and sources), working with my students was so rewarding and brought alot of joy. When I was single, I could devote hours to my career- often spending nights and weekends working. I got married in the summer of 2009 and that fall, I started my job as a reading specialist. It took alot of work to adjust to the change, but my husband was in school at the time, so we would just spend nights and weekends working together- side by side in our apartment.

Right before the end of my first year as a reading specialist, I discovered I was pregnant with our first child. Suddenly, I was dealing not only with an intense job which was made even more stressful by the failure of our school to meet government mandates, but also the monumental task of growing a baby inside me and all the changes that was occurring as a result of that. I was more emotional, I was tired more often, my ankles would swell up at the end of the day as I packed on the pounds- trying to balance everything. Christmas break of 2010-2011 was spent creating a binder of sub plans and my worry of all of January was that my students wouldn't have that extra support in reading that they so desperately needed from me. Our daughter arrived on Valentine's Day of 2011- 6 days late and I had to force myself to put the thought of my students aside and focus on getting through the newborn craze. But I still checked my school email almost daily.

I spent three months at home with my daughter and tearfully I returned to work for 6 weeks until summer vacation. The summer was great time to spend with my daughter, but I knew I had to go back. The last year I taught was stressful for me. Work was going well- I felt like I had hit my stride as a reading specialist and I felt successful in my job. But then I would come home to a house that looked like a tornado came through it, piles of laundry, bottles that needed to be washed and sterilized and an empty refrigerator. And even though I was "home", I still had piles off work to be done. Many nights and weekends, I would hand our daughter off to my husband as I continued to work. We knew something had to change.

I longed to stay at home with our little girl and Spring of 2012, my husband applied to study oversees and we decided to pack up and move to Scotland. I quit my job and finally got to stay at home.

So, I got what I had wanted for the past year- things were great, right? Not so much. I didn't know how to be a stay at home mom with all this free time on my hands. I have never been much of a homemaker or a cook and I was overwhelmed where to start. And I was an ocean away from my friends and my support system. I was lost.

Teaching always felt so natural for me and I assumed motherhood would feel the same way. But it didn't and I was unprepared for that. And then I would look at my friends who had these sweet, well behaved kids and who made it look so easy. They always had dinner on the table for their husbands when they came home and they managed to get out of the house and make friends. To top it off, I was also dealing with first trimester hormones and all-day nausea that didn't make me want to cook or clean or get off the couch. So, my daughter ran around our one bedroom flat while I sat on the couch and tried not to move lest I would feel even more sick. And for one of the first times in my life, I felt like an utter failure at my job.

We spent 6 months in Scotland before moving back to the states in settling in our new home. I was feeling better, but still unsure of how to be a stay at home mom. Our daughter entered the terrible twos and I was dealing now with a child that didn't listen, who threw tantrums, but also who could be sweet and loving at the same time. Late Spring hit and I had a couple high blood pressure readings at the dr. We were finally settled in our apartment and I was ready to try to get out, but then the dr told me to stay out of the heat with my feet up. More running around our now two bedroom apartment by our daughter  while I tried to obey dr's orders. Our son arrived July 8th and now before I could figure out this whole stay at home mom thing with one kids, I suddenly have two!!

So, here we are. The reason I wanted to create this blog is because I want it to be a place where I can get my thoughts out- to share our ups and downs of life- of mothering kids as I try to figure this all out. And hopefully encourage other mothers who feel that their adventure in mommyhood isn't as graceful as they would want it to be. Mine certainty isn't- but I'm coming to the realization that it's ok.

What will be on this blog? I'm not sure. Topics that I am dealing with day to day. My thoughts on some of the big debate issues of parenting (who knew there could be so much judgement when it comes to mothering?) Probably some crazy stories of my days that would make most mommies feel better about themselves... :) Maybe reviews of book or other things that we have found that worked well for us. I'm open to suggestions.

Thanks for reading! Until next time...