My Journey

I always loved being around kids. I was the one usually recruited to help with children's church and VBS at church. On days off from school, I would often go and spend the day with my mom who taught preschool. It was the highlight of my days off! So when it came to choosing a career, teaching seemed like a natural progression.

I taught fourth grade in a small school district for three years, followed by a three year stint as a reading specialist at the same school. While there were definitely challenges to teaching (mainly from outside mandates and sources), working with my students was so rewarding and brought alot of joy. When I was single, I could devote hours to my career- often spending nights and weekends working. I got married in the summer of 2009 and that fall, I started my job as a reading specialist. It took alot of work to adjust to the change, but my husband was in school at the time, so we would just spend nights and weekends working together- side by side in our apartment.

Right before the end of my first year as a reading specialist, I discovered I was pregnant with our first child. Suddenly, I was dealing not only with an intense job which was made even more stressful by the failure of our school to meet government mandates, but also the monumental task of growing a baby inside me and all the changes that was occurring as a result of that. I was more emotional, I was tired more often, my ankles would swell up at the end of the day as I packed on the pounds- trying to balance everything. Christmas break of 2010-2011 was spent creating a binder of sub plans and my worry of all of January was that my students wouldn't have that extra support in reading that they so desperately needed from me. Our daughter arrived on Valentine's Day of 2011- 6 days late and I had to force myself to put the thought of my students aside and focus on getting through the newborn craze. But I still checked my school email almost daily.

I spent three months at home with my daughter and tearfully I returned to work for 6 weeks until summer vacation. The summer was great time to spend with my daughter, but I knew I had to go back. The last year I taught was stressful for me. Work was going well- I felt like I had hit my stride as a reading specialist and I felt successful in my job. But then I would come home to a house that looked like a tornado came through it, piles of laundry, bottles that needed to be washed and sterilized and an empty refrigerator. And even though I was "home", I still had piles off work to be done. Many nights and weekends, I would hand our daughter off to my husband as I continued to work. We knew something had to change.

I longed to stay at home with our little girl and Spring of 2012, my husband applied to study oversees and we decided to pack up and move to Scotland. I quit my job and finally got to stay at home.

So, I got what I had wanted for the past year- things were great, right? Not so much. I didn't know how to be a stay at home mom with all this free time on my hands. I have never been much of a homemaker or a cook and I was overwhelmed where to start. And I was an ocean away from my friends and my support system. I was lost.

Teaching always felt so natural for me and I assumed motherhood would feel the same way. But it didn't and I was unprepared for that. And then I would look at my friends who had these sweet, well behaved kids and who made it look so easy. They always had dinner on the table for their husbands when they came home and they managed to get out of the house and make friends. To top it off, I was also dealing with first trimester hormones and all-day nausea that didn't make me want to cook or clean or get off the couch. So, my daughter ran around our one bedroom flat while I sat on the couch and tried not to move lest I would feel even more sick. And for one of the first times in my life, I felt like an utter failure at my job.

We spent 6 months in Scotland before moving back to the states in settling in our new home. I was feeling better, but still unsure of how to be a stay at home mom. Our daughter entered the terrible twos and I was dealing now with a child that didn't listen, who threw tantrums, but also who could be sweet and loving at the same time. Late Spring hit and I had a couple high blood pressure readings at the dr. We were finally settled in our apartment and I was ready to try to get out, but then the dr told me to stay out of the heat with my feet up. More running around our now two bedroom apartment by our daughter  while I tried to obey dr's orders. Our son arrived July 8th and now before I could figure out this whole stay at home mom thing with one kids, I suddenly have two!!

So, here we are. The reason I wanted to create this blog is because I want it to be a place where I can get my thoughts out- to share our ups and downs of life- of mothering kids as I try to figure this all out. And hopefully encourage other mothers who feel that their adventure in mommyhood isn't as graceful as they would want it to be. Mine certainty isn't- but I'm coming to the realization that it's ok.

What will be on this blog? I'm not sure. Topics that I am dealing with day to day. My thoughts on some of the big debate issues of parenting (who knew there could be so much judgement when it comes to mothering?) Probably some crazy stories of my days that would make most mommies feel better about themselves... :) Maybe reviews of book or other things that we have found that worked well for us. I'm open to suggestions.

Thanks for reading! Until next time...