The Danger of Comparisons

I have to admit- I'm addicted to facebook. It's a wonderful way to keep up with people that you haven't seen in years. Posting pictures and videos allows my family to experience what is happening in our family and helps us feel closer. But there is a downside to social media- it naturally lends itself to comparisons...

For instance: this week, one friend posted about how her two month year old  laughed and rolled over, another friend posted about how their kid (who I don't think is even two) used the potty...and it made me pause and then the worrying started...

Maybe I should preface it with this: it has been an extremely challenging week with my two year old daughter. Baby boy had a dr. appointment on Wednesday, which she was a handful at (ie: escaping out of the room while I was talking to the dr and round the corner and down the hall before I could catch up with her and then trying to escape every chance she got while I blocked the door). On Thursday, we started attending a Community Bible Study and she lost it when I tried to get her to go to her classroom and not stay with her baby brother. And by lost it, I mean prolonged screaming, flailing, hitting, etc. And it was hard for me as her mom to deal with that kind of behavior...

So, when I read about when this kid (who was quite younger than my daughter) was already using the potty, I nearly flipped because my daughter refuses to do anything with her potty...at all. And one by one, I know that alot of my friends who have kids her age have wrote about their successes with potty training. I get it: it's exciting. I'm sure I will do the same. But right now, it makes me feel like I'm just failing my kid. That somehow my child is not doing what she is supposed to do. I've been told that she is probably a bit immature for her age. And it hasn't been the first time: a few months ago, it was more about her language development. A year and a half ago, it was about her not walking until 15 months...and so on and so on. It's not the first time and it won't be the last.

But thankfully, I have great mommy friends who remind me that my child is special and wonderful and is doing things on her own timing. It doesn't make her immature or lesser than her peers, it is just a part of who she is right now. She's a two year old- and she will have tantrums, she will refuse to do things, she may not do things the way other kids are doing right now, but at this age, that really doesn't mean anything except we need to continue to work on it and just relax a bit. I know it will come- she will adjust to bible study, she will learn to use the potty, her language will develop more, the tantrums will even out. And for all those rough moments, there are equally as sweet moments this week. She loves life- she is outgoing and personable, full of laughter and hugs and kisses and singing. And while she may not be doing one thing that others are doing, she does have quite a lot of successes in other areas...

So, what I have to remind myself daily: do not compare my child with any other child. It will only lead to frustration and disappointment.  If there is something not developing normally, I am sure that will come out  at a doctor's appointment and in the meantime, no worries. The normal range of development in these young ones is huge and our kids don't have to do things the earliest or the fastest or be the best at everything. We don't need any overachievers at two years or two months. And for well-meaning people who like to make those comparisons for us, please stop.(And I'm not even talking about those moms who do that to make other people feel lesser- I know those moms exist and I'm sure I will encounter them in the future-thankfully, I haven't yet.  But when I do,  I won't put up with it. I think for those moms,we all have to speak up and put a stop to it for the sake of our kids and the common bond of mommyhood).

Here is what I'm trying to hold onto daily: we will have good days and bad days, but I must focus on the good. Parenting has its ups and downs, it's trials and successes. Focus on the positive and put the negative in perspective. And remember that little girl and baby boy are huge bundles of blessings, showing us God's love, grace and sense of humor every day.

My only good type of comparison- aren't my babies darling at 2 months?

A Not-so-graceful Mommy day

I have a confession. Today was the first day I tried to actually go out on my own with the babies (besides a dr. appointment that I did do on my own, but I had no choice). And yes, my son is just shy of two months old. There were many reasons. I hadn't wanted to go out in hot, humid weather with a newborn. I wanted to keep him safe from germs while he was so tiny. I had been weary of being out with the two and my daughter throw a tantrum and not being able to keep them safe if baby boy was in the Ergo and I had a screaming, flailing toddler. We are a one car family, so my husband takes the car unless I need it. With little one's sleep schedule, the last thing I want to do is get all of us up to take him to work (which I will have to start doing to go to the Bible study I signed up for on Thursdays- what was I thinking?).

But, I finally ordered our double stroller. Perhaps that is a separate post because I had literally been waffling on which one to get since long before my son was born. And today was a gorgeous day. And my son slept so well last night (11-6, 6:20-9...beautiful!). I was out of excuses. Here we go.

We live on the second floor of our apartment building. 17 stairs up. Currently, our double stroller, the Joovy, is sitting in our living room. We want to clear out a space in our outdoor closet, but that is besides the point. When my husband has the car, if I want to go out with the kids on a walk, the stroller has to be on the second floor.

So part of my trying to get out of the house with both kids and the stroller involves what to do with the kids while I set everything up. I saw no other way than just leave them for the 2 minutes it takes to lug the stroller down the stairs and rush back up. I didn't want to put little girl in her crib because she had her shoes on. Perhaps that was my biggest mistake.

I told her sternly that she was to stay right here and I would be back. I struggled getting the monster stroller down the steps (my poor post-partum body is so out of shape!) and got everything set up and the diaper bag in the bottom compartment. Then I hurried back up the stairs. I turned the doorknob only to find it LOCKED.

Yes, my toddler decided to lock me out of the apartment. And no, I did not have my keys or my cell phone. Oops.

Mama!

Addie, Open the door! Unlock the door, sweetheart...

And commence the tears. She was sobbing because she didn't know what to do. Somehow she knows how to lock, but doesn't get the concept of turning the lock the other direction to unlock. And I suspect she thought I was mad at her.

So, I spent the next few minutes trying to get her to calm down enough to try to turn the lock. I'm sure our neighbors thought I was insane and wondered why I had a child and then decided to have another. I didn't want to go to the office because I didn't want to leave her alone with her brother. Finally she calmed down enough and I heard her jiggle the lock. I coaxed her to turn it the other way and Praise the Lord, she did.

At that point, I just wanted to give up on this foolish idea of getting out of the house with two kids, but I wasn't ready to drag the stroller back up the stairs, so I decided to keep on. Baby boy in my arms, little girl's hand in mine, we walked down the steps and I got them situated into the stroller. I took a few steps and noticed my water bottle fell...and yes, had spilled all over the bottom of the stroller and the diaper bag.

Sigh. I sopped up the mess with a few clothes from the bag and kept going. At this point, I was not turning back.

We took a 15 minute walk to the library and I got a library card, checked out two George books and went to leave. More crying from little girl who wanted to get down and play at the "liberry". But it had taken me so long to get out of the house that baby boy was overdue to feed and I had to get back to put dinner in the crockpot so we would not be eating at 8 pm. Yet, I understood. I just didn't allow for enough time. Mama fail.

So, we started the 15 minute walk back. More crying- all out screaming this time from baby boy who was overdue to eat. But little girl had at least opened her books and began to look through them. So, she was happy.

I went through the whole process of getting them out of the stroller, up the stairs. This time I took my keys and good thing because I dragged the stroller up the stairs only to find the door locked again. This time, Addie was happily sitting at the table, drinking out of my water bottle. Yes, I'm sure riding in the stroller was so exhausting that she need to cool off with my water bottle instead of drinking out of her sippy. Baby boy was still screaming. I got him fed, drank a bunch of water, turned on George and tackled dinner. Baby boy was still screaming- this time to be held. But I had to cook because dinner had to go in the slow cooker- we were running out of time. Half way through searing the pork, little girl comes in and throws her bowl at me for more food. Dealing with raw meat, I told her she needed to go watch more George and I would get it for her later. Screaming this time from baby #1. I ignored her and pressed on. Poured way too much lemon juice into the sauce by mistake. I just shook my head, said, "what the heck" and dumped more of the other ingredients into the sauce until it smelled ok. I was so over it.

And I was exhausted. It was one of those not-so graceful Mommy days. How come my friends make it look so easy and beautiful? I'm just thinking towards next week's schedule. A dr. appointment on Wed. Community Bible study starts on Thursday. How am I ever going to make it anywhere on time? How will I deal with the meltdowns that I know will come next week? Isn't it just easier to be a recluse indoors? Yes, but still we press on...

Little girl reading, baby boy screaming

 Do you have any tips for juggling two or more? Do you ever feel like everyone else makes it look so easy when you just feel like it is a struggle?