The Birth Debate

I'm almost done addressing our baby boy's birth announcements. They have been sitting in our house for the past month, but I just haven't gotten around to it. I figure 7 weeks is a good amount of time to get them done. It doesn't matter that he is almost 4 pounds bigger and looks a lot different, right? 

Naturally, as I look at the announcement over and over again as I'm sticking each one into an envelope, my mind wanders back to that day. As I think of everything that happened that day, it makes me think of the great birth debate.

Birth debate? What's to debate? Well, if you read any mommy blogs, belong to any mommy groups, peruse pregnancy message boards, have any friends who are expecting on facebook, or listen to any celebrities who are often quite opinionated...apparently, there is alot to debate.

When I was pregnant with my first child, one of my good friends and I were chatting over a cup of tea. She was pregnant with her first child as well and we ended up on the topic of childbirth. Many of our mutual friends at church had recently delivered and had chosen to have their little ones naturally. As such, there was almost this expectation or pressure to do the same. I hesitated a bit to share what I was thinking (I thought for sure she would go sans the epidural) but I was so relieved to find out that someone else planned to have the epidural when delivering. The expectation or the pressure was off a bit.

You might wonder what I mean by pressure to deliver naturally. I don't think it is an overt pressure (at least not by most people minus those pesky celebrities who think they know it all or a few vocal message board posters). But yet there is a bit of pressure. Moms who opt for natural birth are often vocal about how it is a wonderful experience, how it makes you so in tune with your body and how it is the way to go and they wouldn't change a thing. It seems to be that there is a sense of pride that they could birth their baby without drugs- almost an elite club of sorts. And absolutely, more power to them...

But here's the deal. Sometimes, it make moms who chose otherwise to feel that they are lesser because they chose differently. When I think of it, I almost convince myself that I took the easy way out by choosing to get an epidural. Even by using the term natural birth, it implies that they way I birthed my babies was unnatural and that definitely has a negative connotation and can almost imply that I am less of a woman for choosing to do so. Our bodies were created to do this and woman have been doing it all since creation, so what's the big deal?

Looking back at both my deliveries, just because I choose an epidural, it doesn't mean it was easy. Trust me, it wasn't easy. I still labored and was definitely in the midst of active labor, when I chose to get one. And I still had to work hard to get these little ones into the world- and the feelings of joy, relief, victory was still present. And even though I had an epidural, I can still say that I'm proud that I made it through labor and delivery. While I don't quite feel the whole process is beautiful like many woman assert, I think those feelings are unrelated to how I chose to go about it and I don't feel like I am less of a woman or less of a mother because of it. When they told me that it was best for my son to have skin to skin contact with me even when he was covered in all sorts of yucky stuff, I welcomed him in my arms for an hour without asking the nurse to clean him up first even though I was deliberately pushing those thoughts out of my mind. That's for sure is an indication of a mother's love & devotion (not to mention all feeding, dirty diapers, laundry, rocking, soothing, interaction and those pesky hours up at night). And once he was placed in my arms, all that mattered was he was here and how wonderful it felt to hold my baby. I did it! Even if I had to have a planned c-section (which I can imagine would be scary and intimidating and quite painful in itself), I would have still have felt that sense of accomplishment- I carried and nurtured a little one for 9 months and he was safely brought into this world- that's definitely a reason to feel proud...and grateful!

Of course,  in the times since then as I read people's comments on childbirth, those troublesome thoughts still pop up every now and then. Did I take the easy way out?  Was my experience lesser as such? I don't really view it as that most days, but everyone likes affirmation now and then. After each of my deliveries my husband has told me that I did really well. This last time he mentioned something about being a trooper and beautiful and resilient through it all. He even posted it on facebook...I was affirmed that in his eyes, I didn't take the easy road by opting for the epidural. And he was there and witnessed it all!

I guess my point is no matter what you chose for yourself, we are all strong, beautiful mommies who have carried and nurtured our child for 9 months and will care for him or her needs for the next 18 years and love him or her for the rest of our lives- whether you choose to bring them into the world in what is termed naturally or not. Let's support each other as we journey through mommyhood- whether you choose natural birth or an epidural, whether you breast feed or bottle feed, whether you homeschool or send your kid to public school. Raising kids is difficult enough on its own without feeling all this pressure to measure up.

What do you think? How did your birth story go? Would you change anything if you could? Do you ever feel how I do? How can we support each other judgement?

Skin to skin contact...snuggling my sweet baby boy after he was born

I would love to hear from you. Until next time...